"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Monday, March 05, 2007

Spring's the Thing

(Photo from The Lester Project)

I'm sorry. I had a whole list of things to write about, chief amongst them Jonathan Papelbon's hair, and I was all set to Google a picture and come here and lay down the knowledge until an innocent Google Image Search returned that lovely picture above. And then I just completely forgot what I was going to say and lost my shit entirely. Because, I mean, come on, what am I supposed to do with that? I'd never seen that particular picture before and thanks to the good folks at The Lester Project, we can all view it in it's glory. My life is now complete.

::gazes upon awesomeness::

Heh. Anyway, speaking of awesomeness, NESN rebroadcast Matsuzaka's first spring training start on Saturday night which was awfully nice of them since I missed it the first time around because I was on a train next to That Guy Version 3.2. You know, That Guy. With the cell phone and the briefcase and the umbrella and the Very Important Things To Do? Yeah, That Guy. I hate That Guy. Anyway, he clearly felt that his conversation about stock market thiggidy wickets or something was way more important than the latest installment of Imaginary Baseball World that Annette, Amy, Marianne and I were in the midst of dreaming up. So he proceeded to talk loudly and get all pokey with his umbrella. Plus, he dripped on my shoes. Jerk.

BUT...because NESN is nice people, we got to re-live Matsuzaka's start and watch the BC kid get a double off him and, as Amy said, can you imagine rooming with that kid? God, he must be insufferable right now.

But this whole Matsuzaka thing did kind of serve as the official, "Baseball's Back and There's Gonna Be Trouble (Hey Na, Hey Na, Baseball's Back!)" start of the new season. Herewith, the Ten Most Awesome Things That Have Happened So Far:

10. Tek. The whole Tek...thing. I mean, for reals. I know I haven't seen the man in months but he looks
goooood. Like he's probably put on some muscle weight. Annette also thinks he's been exfoliating. Perhaps he's just excited about his new Japanese toy. Whatever it is, this winter seems to have agreed with him and he looks ready to kick ass and take names.

9. The fact that Doug Mirabelli apparently has a weight loss clause in his contract. Oh, Douglas, fewer chicken parm subs for you, my man.

8. "Matsuzaka is adorable. In the way that stuffed animals and baby seals are adorable." - Annette.

7. Manny just completely and totally not giving a shit. Like, at all. I know it happens every year, and I know we should probably all be over this whole "Manny's a few French fries short of a Happy Meal" thing but, come on, shit's funny. Personally, so long as the man keeps himself out of prison and still hits 40 home runs a year and drives in 130 runs, he's free to wear a pink tutu on the field as far as I'm concerned.

6. Jon Lester, healthy and pitching. Badass.

5. The absolute, unbelievable wee-ness of Dustin Pedroia. Seriously, he is so tiny. He's like a pocket person. I am confident that I could pick him up and put him in the front pocket of my hoodie and take him out whenever I needed to turn a double play on the fly. Seriously, he's like the Mayor of Tiny Town. I want to sit him on top of my computer next to my Pedro bobblehead (which, I'm fairly certain, is bigger than Pedroia), and have him entertain me while I work. So wee!

4. Papi's puppy. Seriously, the joy that man hath wrought. And now he brings a puppy into it? Come on, it's almost too much.

3. Mike Timlin dubbing Jonathan Papelbon "Starter Boy." It's not terribly unique but it's direct and to the point and slightly mocking and gives the impression that it will kick your ass if need be. So, vintage Timlin. How long before "#58 Starter Boy" t-shirts show up at Fenway?

2. Tim Wakefield is already in mid-season, "These fuckin' guys" form. His postgame interview on Saturday? Priceless. Just ten straight minutes of the Tim Wakefield face. You know the one I mean. It's the same one he gets on his face every season. The one that says, "I don't know how I let them talk me into this again. It's bad enough that I lasted through a couple seasons with Millar and his penchant for nakedness running around all the time, not to mention the time they traded away my catcher, replaced him with a butter-fingered 12-year-old, and got him back just in time for him to suck and get fat because of his emotional eating issues in San Diego. And now they expect me to share a locker room with the entire Japanese media and J.D. Drew's hyperbaric chamber? Screw this noise, I'm taking off to follow Tim McGraw's tour. His wife's pretty hot."

1. Papelbon's hair. The Papelmullet, if you will. Remember when it was like this? Yeah, god help me, but I think it's better now. I also think Paps might be challenging Manny to a duel of the batshit crazies. Should be good times for all.

Baseball's back, y'all. 'Bout time.