"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Monday, April 24, 2006

No Canada

(photo from Boston.com)

Dear Jason Varitek,

Why are you bunting?

Love, The World.

Okay, so, to review:

I knew we were losing Friday night's game. I just had a feeling. Admittedly, they went and dragged it out and made it awesomely unawesome and especially painful which, in turn, made me very glad that I'd ordered the nachos at Coolidge Corner Clubhouse to drown my sorrows in (and memo to CCC: That's a "half order?" Are you effing kidding me? Look into portion control. Good god). Anyway. So the game? Not good. 'Course I thought we were going to get to blame Keith Foulke and we'd all have to embark on the latest installment of the "Can someone kneecap Keith Foulke" diatribe but I forgot that Rudy Seanez is on the team. Had I remembered, I obviously would have seen it coming.

And then, you know, Saturday. Blah. Ew. I'm thinking one of two things: Either Lenny Dinardo is trying to stick it to Theo for trading Bronson and breaking up the band or he's working on his varying succession of catalogue model looks and he figures that "anguish" should be among his repertoire. Either way, homeboy ain't pretty enough to suck that badly. I'd keep working on the Blue Steel look or finding out where the local auditions for the next season of Rock Star are being held if he knows what's good for him.

Y'all want Youkilis to do something impressive really soon. Trust me, I've got a Thug Life: Kevin Youkilis post all ready, just waiting to be deployed.

As for yesterday: that was better. Not perfect but better. And I will take it. I was, of course, fully prepared to blame Kevin Youkilis had it all gone to shit for our boy Papelbon. Because, have you heard? The Rick Vaughn hair was Youkilis's idea. And Papelbon WON the bet. Dear god, imagine what he'd have had to do if he'd lost. Mostly, I think Youks is just relishing having a rookie to pick on. Because there is no more perfect word for Kevin Youkilis than "goober." And he's sick of it.

I'm obsessed with that song "Pretty Vegas" by INXS. This has nothing to do with anything but you all might need this information when I finally break with reality and am carted off to the asylum muttering about "thumbing your way to Vegas."

David Ortiz is an android. Rumors of Manny's demise were premature at best. Jason Varitek *hearts* the Medoza line (sigh). Gregg Zaun can suck it.

I'm just glad to get the hell out of Canada.

Off day today. Back at it tomorrow with Big Schill on the hill.