And They Say That A Hero Can Save Us

Things that have given me pause over the last 24 hours:

The current heroes of the Red Sox are named Kevin Youkilis and Adam Stern. Hmmm...

America's fascination with Kellie goddamn Pickler. (HATE.)

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes "had" their "baby" and named "her" Suri.

No, for real, Kevin Youkilis. That one.

The fact that I've suddenly realized that Adam Stern might not be unattractive. I'm sure this correlates to his performance on the field. See also: Loretta, Mark.

It's only April and, as Red pointed out, heart attacks will likely be the norm this year.

Yes, THAT Kevin Youkilis.

We have a...closer? Who can...close?

The big, spendy, shiny new free agent Blue Jays and (snerk) Yankees are duking it out for fourth place in the AL East. At present, it's the Yankees looking up at everyone else. Yes, even Tampa Bay. Spare me the "It's only April" business. One must get one's digs in when one can.

Matt Clement pitched better than Randy Johnson.

Seriously, America. Kellie Pickler is what's wrong with this country. Y'all deserve that horseshit if you're gonna be that stupid.

My 85-year-old grandmother, possibly the world's only Devil Rays fan, has taken to emailing me to trash talk about the series. My grandmother. Is trash talking. About baseball.

Curt Schilling goes for win number four on the season tonight. Already.

Adam Stern appears to be, "The Man."

Clearly, we are in the End Times.