"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Home Is Where The Heat Is

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(photo from Boston.com)

Okay, so we're officially living in Bizarro World. Youks is turning in Web Gems, Lowell is a doubles machine, the Sox are able to overcome a shaky first inning and Papi is going deep. Right, so that last one isn't all that new. Nevertheless, the Sox winning their home opener is. At least it seems that way.

Remember when Pedro always got the Opening Day start? But Opening Day has a way of falling in April so it was always about twelve degrees around game time and the powers that be wouldn't let Petey take the mound in a North Face snowsuit? As a result, he'd let up twelve runs over the first two innings to the likes of the Orioles or the Blue Jays and by the time the Sox started to chip away at things, shadows were growing long and the game was out of hand. Yeah, I remember that too.

Seems times have changed.

Now it's still early. But, to quoth the immortal Neil Diamond, "good times never seemed so good." Despite the sudden absense of Coco "Jet Pack" Crisp (this is why we can't have nice things!), this team is looking good. Lowell has turned on the retro-jets and started hitting like it's 1999 and Papi, fresh off a contract extension, continues to solidify his status as God of New England. Even Youks and Adam freakin' Stern are getting in on the action.

And Beckett, well, here's the thing about Beckett: I am worried about piling on the praise now because we've all seen the Sure Things come on strong and then flame out in a giant ball of suck towards the end. We've all seen starters go from throwing gas to barely generating enough energy to power an Easy Bake Oven. And we know Beckett's history. So I'm being cautious. But it's a cautious optimism. Because I do believe in this kid (he's barely five months older than me so I'm allowed to call him a kid). And I do think that with Schilling mentoring him, only good things can happen. According to Mike Lowell, "He wanted to destroy the dugout after that first inning." Now that's the kind of fire I like in my flamethrowers.

As for Papi, the front office clearly knows what's good for them as my "Extend Ortiz's Contract" hunger strike was about to get serious. And I really don't think they wanted that kind of negative PR on their hands. Ortiz, because he is an excellent human being is, "pretty sure the fans will think this is a good thing." Understatement of the century, right there. You know what? I don't even know what they paid him. And I don't care. I assume the keys to the State House, a personal bling polisher, and a lackey to scatter rose petals at his feet wherever he goes were part of the deal. I'm equally certain they wouldn't have trouble finding volunteers to fulfill these requests. Honestly, how long before they just gold-plate the Prudential Center, give it some bling and rename it the David Ortiz Palace? It's gotta happen soon, right?

Now...lemme tell you something about Wily Mo. That boy ever gets ahold of one, and it ain't never coming down. Remember that home run that Albert Pujols hit off Brad Lidge in last year's playoffs? Remember how the Mars rover just found it? Yeah, it'll be like that. Might break a few windows on the Papi Palace is what I'm saying. Because homeboy is strong. Just you wait.

And finally, Jon(athan) Papelbon. Dude's a rock star. Like a have-no-mercy, balls-to-the-wall, all-or-nothing rock star. All I can say is I'm sure glad he's on our team.

Wells takes the hill tonight to do his best to kill our collective buzz. Game time's at 7:05. Be there.