Red Sox Steadfastly Refuse to Score Runs, Continue Hatred of Wakefield

(Photo from Yahoo! Sports)

This is the year, people. I really think this is the year that Tim Wakefield, fresh off a game like last night's where his teammates can't even scrounge up a single run for him - despite the fact that they managed to do it in dramatic fashion the previous two evenings - just takes off and goes running naked through Kenmore Square wearing a Gatorade cooler for a hat and swinging at random passerby with a Louisville Slugger, only to finally be tackled by Boston cops while trying to scale the awning at Eastern Standard.

It's going to happen. And it's not going to be pretty.

Despite the umpires decision that the game wasn't really over after it, you know, was, and the second chance the Sox got to come through, they still couldn't make anything happen last night. Personally, I'm not too concerned. But then, I'm not Tim Wakefield. And if you're gonna refuse to score runs for the man during the same season in which you get rid of his personal catching binky (again), well, you'd just better assign him a handler at all times. Things might get ugly.

Now, anyone else think Jays' closer B.J. Ryan is slowly morphing into Mike Timlin? Since he cut the blond mullet which made him look like "Farrah Fawcett climbed a sequoia" (TM, I think, Beth), he's definitely looking a little Timlin-esque. Helped along, naturally, by his near implosion and tirade last night. There's already the Brad Penny/Derek Lowe morphing happening in L.A. and who knows what sort of unsavory genetic mutants the Yankees are building in the basement of the Stadium? Forget performance enhancers, we might be talking about gene-splicing and straight up science fiction shit going down here. Soon, the X-Men could be pitching for the Sox. You can be sure we'll be monitoring this situation closely.