Wait, they're at Yankee Stadium? You'd think they would have mentioned that.
(Photo from Yahoo! Sports)
In which Amy and I chat live and talk complete nonsense during the Home Run Derby.
Me: hellooooooo, grady sizemore.
and amy.
Amy: Unf.
Me: srsly. evan longoria is bullshit.
Amy: ROOKIES DO NOT GET TO START ALL STAR GAMES
Me: lance berkman's head is so big. so big.
Amy: justin morneau still looks like polo ponies to me
Me: hello, friendly canadian.
Amy: BRAUNTOSAURUS
Me: justin morneau LOVES polo ponies
Amy: LOOKIT HIS LITTLE FACE
Me: ryan braun's mother is so proud. you can just tell.
Amy: Josh Hamilton is hot. And good. He is my
Me: did you miss 3 doors down?
Amy: No but their aging scared me.
Me: i did not expect the lead singer to look like that. it was disconcerting.
Me: probably tek was very excited about 3 doors down. probably he will change his at bat music back in honor.
Amy: oh i hope
Me: ok, who's your pick?
Amy: I DON'T KNOW
Me: the prize is years and years or respect and adoration.
HEY DID YOU KNOW IT'S THE LAST YEAR OF YANKEE STADIUM?
Amy: OMG
it is the last year???
HOW ARE THEY GOING TO DEAL WITH THIS?
Me: i am going with morneau, in hopes that he can fix what jason bay did to
MAYBE THEY WILL BRONZE THE ENTIRE STADIUM.
SO MUCH YANKEEOSITY
Amy: I can't pick Morneau since you did. so I will go with Berkman. He is old and knows how to pace himself
Me: excellent, the picks are in.
i am not sure i'm going to make it through hours of derek jeter waxing poetic.
Amy: Seriously. do something about your undereye bags, Jetes
Me: you know what would help that? DRIVEN BY
Me: also, does chris berman think that when yankees players and red sox players see each other off the field they rumble like in the beat it video?
Amy: YES
Me: actaully, that'd be kind of awesome.
Amy: Dustin Pedroia carries a switchblade phone like me
Me: of COURSE he does. also, a switchblade phone is a necessity in breakdance fighting
Amy: small children in helmets. that is all i need.Me: wow, justin morneau is going to get his ass kicked.
Me: BUCK UP,
HAVE SOME PRIDE.
MAPLE LEAF POWER AND ALL THAT.
Me: you know i'm totally singing Oh
Me: fact: joe morgan has never heard of dan uggla before
Amy: Not even a little bit
Me: joe morgan has fallen asleep
Amy: wake him when a red sock or yankee is at bat. he may rouse for the right cub or met. but only if you give him a cookie.
Me: he might just sleep through this whole thing.
hee, that kid fell down. that always makes me laugh. because i'm mean.
Amy: kids falling is funny
Me: UNF GRADY SIZEMOREAmy: I hope Grady Sizemore has a secret child we do not know about because how cute would that be?
Me: OMG SRSLY
Amy: I feel about David Ortiz the same way I feel about Randy Moss
Me: in what sense?
Amy: We have been without him for so long BUT HE WILL BE BACK and when I see him I realize how much I miss him
Me: oh yes. i feel that way too.
Amy: I think El Montro has been manscaping Papi's eyebrows
Me: i wonder if david ortiz bought a racing team to pass the time
Me: now let us make fun of evan longoria
Me: those are terrible home run swings, EVAN.
Me: OH MY GOD YANKEE STADIUM IS SHAPED LIKE A BEDPAN. STOP WITH THE POETRY.
Amy: I feel like there are 6 of the same guy in this derby.
OH NO THERE IS NO BATTING CAGE AND NO HELMETS
Me: this version sucks at hitting home runs
Amy: WHAT IS EVAN GOING TO DO WITHOUT A HELMET
Amy: yes. we are also ignoring how spending 10 years developing number 1 draft picks clearly doesn't contribute to winning
Me: GOOD PLAN
Me: where is d'angelo ortiz? that is what i want to know.
Amy: Probably getting airplane rides from
Me: OH FUN
Amy: Remember the year Bobby Abreu won and bears came to eat us?
Me: YES. WE LIVED AT THE HOME RUN
I have to change my laundry over.
Amy: GO CHANGE YR LAUNDERS
Me: OKAY, COVER FOR ME, AMY.
Amy: /covers
Hello, people. This is Amy. I am covering. I am wearing a sunbonnet and just ate a burrito. Because what says coverage better than sunbonnets and burritos?
Oh, hello, Young David Wright.
Your hat is kind of funny.
Me: I MISSED DAVID WRIGHT. ?
Amy: yes
Me: wait, the hell is he doing there?
Amy: he was ENJOYING FESTIVITIES
Me: i would like to enjoy some festivities with david wright.
Amy: horizontal festivities
Me: yes. all kinds.
Amy: CHRIS BERMAN IS TALKING ABOUT LORE. HE IS USING HIS LORE TONE
Me: this yankee stadium wankery is making me feel like i need another shower.
Amy: Dear Lance, don't make me ashamed of you, lovens, yr Amy
Me: HIS HEAD IS SO BIG.
Amy: like a beach ball
Me: with a curly mullet adornment
Amy: i think we are going to have reevaulate our picks
Amy: JD Drew made a cute kid, who knew?
Me: dude, jd drew has a really cute kid
Me: well, tek looks properly chagrined to be there.
Me: your pick is smart.
Amy: he is old. he can pace himself. the rest of them are like 11
Me: you know how sometimes when joe morgan is talking it sounds like he forgets he's still talking halfway through?
Amy: yes
Me: sometimes i forget he's talking too.
Amy: he has a nice cadence
Amy: but the cadence says "do not listen to my words"
Amy: this is like the oscars. It’s going to run over.
Me: they should make them hit in evening gowns.
Amy: YES
Me: hey wait, is yankee stadium in
Amy: no i think it is in
Me: gosh, you'd think they'd tell us
Me: OH, CANANDA, MY HOME AND
Amy: OUR HOME AND
MAPLE LEAFS AND POUTINE
Me: TRUE PATRIOT SONS, ON SOMETHING OUR SOULS COMMAND
Amy: WE STAND FOR YOU, WE STAND
Me: (of something)
WE STAND ON GUARD FORRRRRRRRRR THEEEEEEEEEEEE
Amy: wait a minute...kiwanis club?
wow that is some uncomfortable silence
WHITE GUYS WHITE GUYS
Me: i can't tell if he's being racist or not. are the kiwanas racist?
Amy: i don't know?
Me: WHITE GUYS WHITE GUYS WHITE GUYS
Amy: but i can feel all of them not wanting to talk
Me: well, to be fair, joe's asleep again
Amy: how long till he has to apologize for the kiwanis club comment
Me: do kiwanas watch tv? also, every time i type "kiwanas" i think "koalas."
Amy: that is a club i would join
Me: BUCK UP,
HEY WE HAVE GOOD PICKS.
Amy: FIST BUMP
Me: FIST BUMP
sometimes we're so smart, it hurts
Amy: i know!
Me: doesn't justin morneau look like someone who has attended a fest or two in his time and has been cajoled into a volleyball tournament by the rick?
Amy: no, he looks like polo ponies and summering in nantucket
Me: sometimes that is the same thing
Amy: LOOK AT BRAUNY! corrance!
i am so proud
MY BREWERS, WORLD
LET ME SHOW YOU THEM
Me: wait, they're in yankee stadium?
Amy: no, i think they are in mets field.
josh
Me: of course he does. baseball loves a redemption story. that is why sometimes jason giambi wins the comeback player of the year award. WHICH IS BULLSHIT.
Amy: Josh Hamilton makes my heart sing
Me: i like listening to chris berman dance around the term "crackhead." just say it, chris. they weren't shy about it at the nfl draft
Amy: CRACK. HE WAS ON CRACK
Me: JUST SAY CRACKHEAD, BERMAN. ERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
Amy: it's sort of frightening to think about what he could have done without those lost years
Me: like ted williams. except with crack.
Amy: i am getting a smidge choked up
Me: ian kinsler's favorite band is my chemical romance. fact.
Amy: fall out boy
Me: yes
Amy: CRACK IS NOT A WORKOUT
HE WAS ON CRACK
WHEN YOU ARE ON CRACK, YOU DO NOT WORK OUT
Me: CRACK PIPES ARE NOT HEAVY. why will no one say "crack?"
fyi, we live here now.
Amy: we do. but i'm so freaking proud
Amy: my brother says he taught Josh everything he knows
Me: you know what i want? a biology lesson from tek in re: josh
Amy: YES
Me: dude, i know, i could see patcher all over that shit
Me: "even sox fans respect this shrine.” of all the signs you could make, that's what you went with?
Amy: yankee fans are known for their creativity.
i am glad justin morneau doesn't warrant commentary
Me: blah, blah, blah
Amy: even the south pole?
Me: apparently.
Amy: okay so berkman is gone. my pick did not pan out. a braun/
/JAZZ HANDS
Me: i was just thinking that is like the all amy is happy final
Amy: it is like pie and hugs
Me: only one october? still?
Amy: they are still going with "only one october", huh?
Me: YOU ARE IN MY HEAD.
it's because they spent all their marketing dollars on yankee stadium wankery.
Me: they still won't say "crack."
Amy: yeah. it wasn't a great performance for a former crackhead. it was a great performance.
Amy: josh
Me: yeah, from certain angles, i can see that. i might've googled the jovi today to gaze upon the magnificent visage and marvel at how kind the years have been to him.
Amy: LET'S GO BRAUNTOSAURUS
Me: hiiii joe mauer
Me: it'd be an interesting twist to the story if josh
Amy: heh. am going
Me: of course you are.
i am proud of cananda
Amy:
Me: i think from here on out, in life, i am going to call justin morneau "
Amy: i can dig that
Me: also, i figure that right now everyone but me, joe mauer and justin morneau's mom are rooting for josh
Amy: that is probably true
Me: i like to have logical reasons for rooting.
Amy: i completely understand
Me: somtimes i like to pretend i'm canadian.
i almost am. heh.
Amy: french canadian!
Me: yes!
Amy: me too!
Me: so they're building exactly the same yankee stadium. awesome. great. fantastic.
Amy: O
/KRISTEN
PLS HIT A HOME RUN FOR OUR LAND
wow that worked
Amy: I think the best line of the night was Evan Longoria not doing well because not getting to wear a helmet..
JOSH HAMILTON WILL NOT BE A YANKEE IN 3-4 YEARS
shut up announcers
Me: christ, how depressing
Amy: i sang
Me:
Amy: good job winning.
justin morneau is all "yeah i know, you don't want to talk to me"
Me: everyone is all "wow, that was anticlimatic."
Amy: i think it is important that justin morneau won. because he's better than people thinks he is
Me: because people are still pissed that he won the mvp
Me: and by "people" i mean "yankee fans"
Amy: yup
Me:
Amy: they are in
Me:
Amy: it should make you a pie
Me: i like pie. ok, i need to sleep now. BUT THANKS FOR THE LIVE CHATTING.
Amy: night!
posted by Kristen at 3:38 PM
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