Jason Varitek is an All-Star and other insane baseball happenings.

(Photo from Boston.com)

So...a split. Which is sort of like a tie. Which is, apparently, like kissing one's sister. Or so they say. Could've been better. Could've been worse. Could've resulted in the apocalypse if Manny and Papelbon had gotten into the stash of fireworks at Yankee Stadium and decided to play hot foot in the dugout.

What stands out for me, however, is game three in which Justin Masterson, despite taking the loss, only gave up two runs. That is quality pitching and quality pitching is eventually going to get you wins.

Of course, then there's the flip side of the coin. That being the side depicting Coco Crisp, Jason Varitek and Julio Lugo managing not to score a SINGLE FREAKIN' RUN with the bases loaded and no outs despite Mariano Rivera's uncharacteristic pants-shitting. Gentlemen...seriously? You all better have good explanations for yourselves, I'll tell you what.

And Jason Varitek, you, sir, are an All-Star. Look, no one chants the mantra, "Tek's value is not in his offense" more than me. But, dude, eventually, you're going to have to plate a run. The fact that you're headed to the All-Star game because the rest of baseball thinks you're a swell guy is nice and all, but, you know, maybe get a hit once in a while? Just a suggestion. I am only one woman, Tek. I cannot defend you to the legions of pitchfork-wielding masses. Sometimes I need to sleep.

Julio Lugo, of course, continues to interfere with my enjoyment of the game and I would like him removed from the ballpark posthaste.

Now that all the dust has settled from this long holiday weekend, we find the pain in the ass Rays in first place by five games. FIVE! I find that wrong and disturbing. Perhaps the All-Star break can't come soon enough.

Speaking of things that happen around the All-Star break, I'd like to thank the Brewers for trading for C.C. Sabathia and reminding everyone that there are teams besides the Red Sox and the Yankees. And also sparing us all the weeks of speculative nonsense and Sabathiababble. Much appreciated. Also? Nice work.