Go ahead, impress me.

(Oooo, shiny!)

So the nice folks at A&E sent me an email the other day wanting to know if I'd be amenable to receiving a box set of The Essential Games of Fenway Park to review. You might've noticed, I like baseball, so I said yes immediately. Then they told me that they'd throw in another set for me to give away to a reader, however I see fit. Well really, it's all about you people so of course I took them up on that one.

The set includes such highlights of awesomeness as 1975 World Series Game 6 (obviously), the 1999 All-Star Game, and the April 22, 2007 game against the Yankees where four Red Sox players conspired to hit back-to-back-to-back-to-back home runs and destroy Yankee pitcher Chase Wright. Also, there is Bonus footage of Dave Roberts' "The Steal," Bill Mueller's walk-off against Rivera in the Brawl Game, and the last inning of Claybelline's no-hitter against the O's last September 1st. So basically, this box set is like a Red Sox fan's suicide prevention kit in a set of handy DVDs. You want this, is what I'm saying. And you can have it.

So here's the deal: I've developed a little contest based on - as most things are - a conversation I had at a bar.

The setup:

Amy: Here is what I want: a transcript of Jason Varitek's postgame from Lester's no-hitter, because I am still confused about how people turn from boys to men.

Me: He is talking about slick balls. I know that much.

Amy: First he gave us a meteorological report and then he explained biology.

Me: I love listening to Tek's interviews. He makes no sense whatsoever. For her sake, I hope Karen didn't have them write their own vows.

Amy: I just love that after he made the rambling boy-young man thing, he did this little nod. Like, "Yup, that's what I'm going with."

Me: Maybe in an alternate life, Tek is a frustrated poet.

Amy:

Behind the plate

Am I protecting

My chest

Or

My heart?

Me: Tek does Williams Carlos Williams should be a new regular blog feature.

Amy:

The mask I wear

Covers my feelings

And my face

My heart is reeling

Who am I?

Me: You're frighteningly good at this.

So here's the deal, Jason Varitek: Secret Poet. Run with it, people. I want the best 'Tek-penned poems your sick and twisted minds can come up with. Haikus are probably the best form though if you absolutely must do iambic pentameter, knock yourself out. Bonus points for hilarity and references to missing Dougie. Email 'em to me at snowtackle (at) gmail (dot) com. (Email link also on the sidebar). I'll select the best entries and post them on the site here and have the readers vote on a winner. And said winner will get a shiny, new, shrink-wrapped box set of Fenway's Greatest Games.

I'm out of town this weekend, heading to Steelers country to witness Katherine and Sebastian get married. (You know I love them if I'm willingly heading to a place that prides itself on serving "Roethlis-burgers"), so you've got all weekend to get the creative juices flowing. I shall return Monday, hopefully to a few Sox wins and my inbox overflowing with delicious, Tek-poetry goodness. Good luck!