"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Paper Airplanes and Tavarez Pets

Quite a night for our two favorite broadcasters, no? An 8-1 track meet in the third inning will do that to you. But even for the RemDawg and Orsillo, these two were in rare form. Talkin' about everything from Remy's shopping phobias, Don's inability to make a paper airplane and whether or not you can purchase a Tavarez Pet online, and then freely admitting that they weren't paying a damn bit of attention to the game, ("What's the count, anyway?"), these two were clearly out of their minds from the get-go. And then, THEN! Proving that either someone at NESN reads this blog (terrifying) or they're just incredibly smart people and know a good idea when they see it, Jonathan Papelbon will be miked up during Friday's batting practice, thereby doubtlessly providing them with delicious Papelbonian nuggets of wisdom to sprinkle throughout the game. I can't wait! I'm currently mired in moving boxes and planned to spend Friday night wondering how I could set all my stuff on fire so as not to have to move it, but you can bet I'll be watching that.

Oh, and as for last night, Beckett got his seventh win in a row and Tek went 4-for-4 with a home run. Ho hum.

Actually, it was one of those fun games to watch, not the least of which because of the antics of the lunatics in the booth. True, it wasn't close but an occasional track meet is good for the soul. What's even better? Watching the Captain break out in a big way. No longer shall I suffer slings and arrows on his behalf. Well, not today at least.

Long about the eighth inning, I found myself in the rather bizarre position of full-naming someone calling himself "Devern" and instructing him not to blow this thing for Joshua. Now, I'm not sure when I became the protector of the Beckett, but I am just as disturbed by it as you are. I began the inning on the phone with Marianne discussing, among other things, how Melvin Mora's one sleeve thing reminds me of those half-man, half-woman Halloween costumes people used to wear and therefore, I believe Melvin delights in some cross-dressing, the fact that Mike Lowell can do a slow burn smile with the best of 'em, Tek's infusion of Awesome, and the statement that if Chris doesn't get his ass to Camden Yards on Nick Markakis Bobblehead Night to snag me one, we are not friends anymore. Then Hansack walked the bases loaded.

"I've gotta go," I said, "This alleged Devern person is having trouble finding the strike zone and I need to coach him through it."

"Go speak to Devern," Marianne said, "You give that boy what for."

"It's very strange," I said, "I feel oddly protective of Joshua's seven run lead."

"This is indeed a change of fortunes. You didn't even call him 'Fathead.'"

"That's the thing about winning seven games in a row without a loss or a no-decision. You get your name back."

So congratulations, Joshua. Nice work. While I think you've been the beneficiary or some lucky bounces and fantastic fortune at times over the course of your previous six wins, this one you truly earned. That was some great pitching. I've gotta give it to ya, brah, that was sweet.

::initiates frat boy, back pounding man hug and complicated fist bumps::

I still don't find you the slightest bit attractive like some people keep trying to convince me I should, but don't take it personally. I think I just spent too much time at Dave Matthews Band concerts in college. It's not your fault.