"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Dangerous Projectiles

(photo from Boston.com)

The world is a better place when Manny is happy.

So, I have this stuffed football. It's navy blue and squishy and though the Patriots' logo has worn off, it still comes in handy as a pillow or, more often, a projectile to launch at the television when something particularly untoward is happening. I threw it at the screen when Idol kicked off Chris Daughtry. I launched it at Jimmy Fallon's head when NESN aired that Pepsi commercial for the three-billionth time and last night, I let fly in the direction of Keith Foulke only to GET UP, RETRIEVE THE FOOTBALL AND THROW IT AGAIN because CLEARLY, he was not getting it.

All I'm saying is that if Foulke's behavior can inspire me to get off my lazy ass merely to retrieve a projectile so I can throw it at him a second time, that's some epic screwing up.

But the Sox still won, so really, I should be focusing on the positive. Like the fact that Keith Foulke is kind enough to allow Alex Rodriguez to feel like he contributed with his home run in the ninth inning to bring the game to the razor thin margin of 9-3. That's some clutch hitting for you, right there.

Look, I could attempt to do this without heavy doses of sarcasm but you might as well lobotomize me.

However, we did win and we did beat the Yankees which is like two good things all rolled into one, so it was a good night. Officially Co-Sponsoring the David Ortiz "Can Stay" List (TM Annette) is Mike Lowell. And I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: Mike Lowell, Stud Muffin. You know, like how Dougie is a stud who hits bombs? Mike Lowell appears to be a stud who hits doubles. I'm thinking a small wager on "Mike Lowell will be a doubles machine" at the beginning of the season would already be netting you quite a healthy profit at this point. Kind of like if someone has bet money that Bill Mueller would win the batting title in 2003. So sometimes, there are pleasant surprises.

Like David Ortiz, who continues to say "shift this, bitches." And Manny who, right when you're not looking, launches a bomb. Or Curt Schilling who, when asked what win #200 would mean to him said, "It would mean it's the 8th win of the season and that's all that matters." Say what you will about the guy, but I'm still glad he's on our team.

So tonight it's Wake vs. Jaret Wright. If we could make him look like this again, well, the football might get a rest. S'all I'm sayin'.