"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Friday, May 12, 2006

I Love It When a Plan Comes Together

(photo from Boston.com)

In the immortal words of Meatloaf, "two out of three ain't bad." Sure, you'd like to sweep the Yanks in their house. I mean, if we're going for "embarrassing," that'd pretty much do it. But I'll take what we got here. Especially considering that the Yankees are surely demoralized this morning after losing Hideki Matsui in an epic collision between Earth v. Wrist. That's gotta smart. And for a team already missing Gary Sheffield, it's just more bad news.

Now before you think I'm getting all soft on you, never fear,
I won't miss facing Matsui or Sheffield, and hey, Yankees players going down means more fun and good times for the rest of us. But damn, did that look like it hurt. Because this is a family blog (is it?) I will not make the obvious joke about Matsui's broken wrist and the problem that causes with his legendary porn collection. Oh wait, I guess I will make that joke. I am not made of stone, people.


Here's what we do: We make Manny watch a replay of Matsui's injury over and over again so he learns not to dive for balls wrist first. That's an owie, Manny. Owies hurt. Owies mean Wily Mo has to simultaneously play every outfield position or, worse yet, we have to snatch Millar back from Baltimore and watch him run in circles under fly balls that he'll eventually misplay into inside-the-park home runs. So, no owies. We clear on that? Good.

As for Kevin Youkilis, does anyone else think that one day soon, homeboy is gonna strike out, line directly at a fielder or ground softly to first and just start beating himself with his Louisville Slugger? I'm sensing he's about an 0-for-4 away from self-flagellating in the batter's box. I mean, clearly the dude has been engaging in some yoga during the offseason and on off days if his actual stretchy, legitimate first baseman business is to be believed. You'd think he could clue into some Zen thought processes as well, with regard to the whole "batting average" thing. Maybe he just needs a vision quest and some green tea. A dreamcatcher necklace? Can we get Kapler on this? Whatever we do, keep him away from Trot.

And this Papelbon kid, I mean, come on. Dude's a robot, right? You can tell me. At the very least, I'd like to start a movement to refer to him as Jonathan Papelbon: Serial Killa.

Tonight, it's Texas. Kameron-with-a-"K"-Loe vs. Matty. Let's show Matty some love, gentleman and kindly mess with Texas.