Unlikely Source

(Clearly someone is smiling on Dougie.)

Look, I'm not gonna lie, I thought we were losing this game. Yeah, that's right, I said it. I thought we were going to lose a game to the Royals. The Kansas City Royals. I thought the Yankees were gonna beat the Mariners, the Blue Jays were gonna beat...whoever the hell they're playing, and it would be sadness and woe in Boston. I know, I know, I'm a bad fan. But for reals, the way this team has been flopping about the field and swinging as if equipped with wet noodles, what did you think? I mean, sure, you'd like to THINK, "Oh, it's the Royals. Cakewalk." But I have learned that when you start thinking things like that, that's when you get bitten in the ass.

And before we go any further, yes, I will acknowledge it. DOUG MIRABELLI IS A STUD WHO HITS BOMBS. Clutch bombs, at that. You happy, Kevin? I know, I don't remember the last time Tek hit a home run either. Go ahead, mock at will. I'll wait.

Ya done?

Okay then. I don't want to talk about the Wakefield situation. And I will tell you why. Because neither Jason Johnson, David Wells, Scrap Heap Pitcher #1 or Scrap Heap Pitcher #2 seems like a good idea to me. In fact, I would rather be packed into a crowded T in 98 degree weather with eight thousand drunk Yankee fans on "Don't Shower For Luck Day" then deal with so much uncertainty in the Wakefield-occupied part of our pitching rotation. What I'm saying is, this can't be a good thing. Someone hold me.

But for right now, we'll take the win. We'll take all the wins we can get. Tomorrow, I'll be there attempting not to melt into a puddle in the grandstand and encouraging Ensign #2 to a win. Please, please, please, just win. Apparently I've resorted to begging now. Hey, whatever works.