"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Thursday, January 25, 2007


Actually, I'll be taking an airplane. Unless something goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Anyway, I'm out 'til Sunday night and since I won't be bringing my laptop to Michigan (yes, I'm going to Michigan in January and I am fully aware that makes me a crackhead although weather reports are telling me that it will actually be considerably colder in Boston than in Michigan this weekend so who's the crackhead now, hmmmm?), I won't be updating. I probably won't be sleeping either because that is the way of things

So before I go, I would like to share with you an email I wrote to Kelly earlier this week:

You will appreciate this. So I'm cleaning my room on Saturday in a fit of nervous panic and I came across an old issue of the Sporting News. Last year's NFL Preview issue. Naturally, that corky-lookin' mama's boy also known as Peyton Manning was on the cover because all sports magazines published in the United States, Canada and Chinese Taipei are contractually obligated to feature either Manning and/or Derek Jeter at least fourteen times per respective season. I was going to throw it across the room and started wondering if I could fashion a voodoo doll out of a magazine cover when I realized that I must have saved it for a reason. So I flipped it open. Sure enough, there's an article on "Power" (whatever that means in pro sports) where they interviewed a bunch of athletes and asked them what they considered power, etc. So there's this picture of Tom Brady with the sweat and the eyeblack and the basically WINNING AT LIFE and the interview goes like this:

SN: Who do you consider the five most powerful people?
TB: Michael Jordan, Donald Trump, Jesus Christ, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, Sr. (Not "dad" but "Tom Brady, Sr." And I love that Jesus rates more powerful than Billiam but slightly less so than Donald Trump.)

SN: What superpower would you like to have?
TB: The ability to read minds. (Really, Thomas? Guess what I'm thinking. Go ahead, guess. Now lick your fingers and guess again.)

SN: Who's been your greatest source of power?
TB: My family and friends. (And in my head, I added, "and Troy Brown.")

See, there are sometimes when I think it would be absolutely impossible for me to love Tom Brady more. And then I find something like that and...I just...LOVE!

Oh, and this is the point of this email. Also in that issue? "Working out with Rudy Seanez."

"Rudy Seanez throws hard. But he works out harder. MUCH harder."

It was almost too much to handle.

Kelly's response:

(1) But HOW DOES RUDY WORK OUT? Because I'm guessing it's by eating babies two at a time.

(2) I would have said Michael Jordan, Belichick, Jesus, but that's just me.

My point being...possibly I am a crackhead after all. It's the Dead Times, people. The only thing to watch on TV is the mentally deficient and/or delusional people on American Idol auditions. I'm gonna just have to start making shit up re: sports. (Not that that's exactly a departure but, yeah.) I believe I've already theorized that Theo signed Beckett because he wanted a hacky sack buddy.

And, by my count, the J.D. Drew: Will He or Won't He? day count stands about about 6 squillion.

I...can't even talk about Trotter. Pretending that's not happening, actually.

So, what's up with you guys?