"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Thank Heaven for David Ortiz

(photo from Boston.com)

Sam has her Blue Cats and Red Sox corners. Other people have their shit lists (or “fecal roster” if you’re Amy’s mom). I have my Glaring Looks of Hostility and Warm Embraces of Love.

And so, after last night’s game which I did not watch a pitch of (people keep wanting me to have dinner at places that don’t get NESN. I don’t know), I present the following recipients of the my Glaring Looks of Hostility and Warm Embraces of Love.

The following people would do well to wear a helmet when coming within a 50-foot radius of me:

Mike Remlinger
Curt Schilling
Kevin Millar
Mike Remlinger
Mike Timlin
Mike Remlinger
And just for good measure…Mike Remlinger

The following people get affectionate head nods and baskets of arsenic-free muffins:

David Ortiz
Jason Varitek
Whoever is responsible for grabbing Tizzle off the Minnesota scrap heap and resigning Tek to a well-deserved contract. So…Theo?
Alan Trammell for yanking Nate Robertson after 80-something pitches and three hits.
Fernando Rodney
Bill Mueller – just ‘cause
Jon Papelbon
Scott Proctor (Hee!)

So, it’s not technically the most efficient or easiest way to get a win, but it worked. Plus, newbie got some work in and continues to impress. Keep in mind I only saw the highlights on SportsDesk this morning but I second what I said last night when my dad called to tell me about Ortiz’s second home run: “I think we’ll keep him.”

Y’all might have noticed that there’s another sport starting up soon. Large men strap mattresses around their bodies and hurl themselves at a small, oblong ball. Football, people, it’s happening.

This year, to either commemorate the occasion or because we’re just that damn dorky, a bunch of us chicks (and Steve) decided to start a fantasy football league. Steve thinks he’s winning, but there is no way in hell he beats my team, the Bulldozers. Marketing plan already in place. Behold!

QB - Tom Brady - NE
WR - Marvin Harrison - IND
WR - Chad Johnson - CIN
WR - Drew Bennett - TEN
RB - Curtis Martin - NYJ
RB - Kevin Jones - DET
TE - Jermaine Wiggins - MIN
TE - Chris Chambers - MIA
W/R - Ahman Green - GB
W/R - Eric Moulds - BUF
Bench QB - Brett Favre - GB
BN - DeShaun Foster - CAR
BN - David Givens - NE
BN - Marcus Pollard - DET
K - Mike Vanderjadt – IND (I hate myself for taking him, by the way, but Adam was already snagged)
New England Defense
D - Tyrone Poole - NE
D - Champ Bailey - DEN
DB - Asante Samuel - NE
DB - Jamal Brooks – CLE

Also, I believe ours was the only fantasy football draft in recent memory where Peyton Manning lasted till the 4th pick. Ha!

Also, this happened yesterday. Which led to this. Which led to…mayhem and insanity, I would assume. I hate to say it, only because I fear a stern look from Bill Belichick, but the Patriots are almost, well, fun.

Anyway, today’s game pits Fat Man, I mean, David Wells against Jeremy Bonderman. It’s a 1:05 game which gives me plenty of time to Gamecast, precariously place my Walkman on the metal shelf above my head and inadvertently strangle myself while straining to hear the dulcet sounds of Troup and Joe. It’s a tough life.