"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Monday, August 15, 2005

Do Over

(photo from Boston.com)

Things I am categorically denying the reality of:

  • Last season’s Monday Night Football game between the Patriots and the Dolphins during which the Dolphins dressed as traffic cones. Also, the subsequent score.
  • Godzilla’s heavily-publicized blood feud with Mothra.
  • The discovery of Atlantis and the following Disney animated movie.
  • My purchase of over $100 of alcohol at the liquor store on Saturday afternoon.
  • Yesterday’s game.

So it appears true after all, with the rain comes a new beginning. Yesterday, Matt Clement did not have trouble finding the strike zone. Carl Everett does not continue to be a three-sheets-to-the-crazy thorn in our sides. And we didn’t field a lineup consisting of the JV squad from Brookline High.

Denial is fun. I could get used to this.

Tonight, it’s time to face reality again as Saturn Balls Arroyo faces off against Sean Douglass (who, exactly?), of the Detroit Tigers. I’m going to have to defer to Sam on this one for a ruling but is it now appropriate to refer to the Tigers as the “Lowly Detroit Tigers?” For the Sox’ sake, I hope so. Our bullpen is really starting the scare the crap out of me, especially since we need at least a twelve-run lead for me to feel comfortable handing things over to the Runs ‘N Fun Gang. That said, Texas continues to deviate from the plan of Screw The Yankees and the pinstriped princesses won’t just die already. So we need all the wins we can get.

Comerica is the fabled land o’ triples so we’ll see if anyone manages to cruise into third. I’m willing to put money on the fact that Tizzle won’t be doing his airplane coming into the hangar impression around the Comerica third base bag but I wouldn’t put my grocery budget up against JD or Kapler legging one out.

Bronson, despite an 8th inning hiccup last time out against those stubborn Rangers, has been pitching fairly well recently. I’m not gonna say it’s to do with the return of the cornrows but hey, whatever he needs to do. Besides, with our dear String Bean, it’s either cornrows or the flat iron. Pick your poison.

Oh, and on a related note, in fifty years, when Bronson Arroyo looks back on his life, what do you think he’ll be more embarrassed about? The Cornrows or “Covering the Bases?” Tough call.

Game on.