"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Le sigh

(photo from Yahoo! Sports)

First of all, FIRST OF ALL, “best fans in baseball,” my ass. Did you hear those bastards booing Edgah? Did you? It wasn’t all of them, just a smattering of boos and they were soon drowned out by the reigning chorus of cheers and yeah, I know that he left for more money and how would we feel and blah, blah, blah. But you put a player on my team, in the uniform of my guys, and he becomes my binky. And you BEST NOT boo him. Except for David Wells. Everyone can feel free to boo him. But listen up, St. Louis fans, Mr. Renteria did some damn good things for you. And you will show him the requisite amount of respect. If not, us Boston fans will take it upon our own selves to give you a little what for in the “best fans in baseball” department. Edgah is our muffin now and you best recognize. And DON’T EVEN try to play the Pedro card with me because yes, for those of you wondering, I would stand up and cheer for Pedro if he came back to pitch at Fenway this year. He did great things for us. So there. Hmph.

Anyway…aside from me getting all righteously indignant about the treatment of Edgah, there isn’t that much for me to say about last night’s game. It…sucked? That about sums it up. Succinct and to the point. 7-1 badness happened on the part of the Red Sox but aside from Tim Wakefield nearly taking off Papi’s head with an ill-advised pickoff move to first, it wasn’t terribly interesting badness. Varitek did get to tag out the Cardinals’ slow as molasses catcher, Bengie “I’m the one named after a dog in a children’s movie” Molina, and Tek tagging anyone out at the plate is always a welcome sign and usually prompts me to yell in the general direction of the screen, “You just try to run him over, bitches. That “C” might as well stand for “concrete.”’ But other than that? Le sigh.

Of course, it’s a bit hard to get too bent out of shape after losing a game like this when you realized that Timmy dearly, dearly needs his binky back (in the form of a one Mr. Mirabelli) and while I love Tek, his appearance behind the plate during a Wake game gives me unfortunate flashbacks to last October’s ALCS Game 5 or, what I like to call, “The Never Ending Passed Fucking Ball-a-Thon.” Yikes.

Also, the Yankees? Lost to Milwaukee. Yeah, the Brewers. Yeah, they still play baseball. On a barely professional level with about three fans in attendance but still, the Brewers. Their mascot, may I remind you, slides down a slide into a foamy mug of beer when a Brewers player hits a home run. Considering their historical status, I’m thinking they should amend it to whenever a Brewers player successfully turns a grounder to short into an out, but hey, they’re not my team. What they are is the team that beat the Yankees and Mr. Face Erosion, himself, Randy Johnson last night, giving him a record of 5-5 with an ERA over 4.00. As Amy said “Does that mean that Torre pulled his Johnson out on national TV?” Yeah, we’re five.

So tonight, we’re back at it, facing off against those very same red birds, hell bent on vengeance and fury. But, you know, in that ever-so-polite Midwestern fashion. It’s Neptune Nuts against Mr. Baserunning Error himself, Jeff Suppan. I think I speak for all Red Sox fans when I say we are not terribly upset that Jeff Suppan found work elsewhere. And to Matty I say: Emancipate!

Edit: It was Yadier Molina, not Bengie. Like I can keep the eight of them straight. Keerist.