"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Friday, March 04, 2005

Happy Days are Here Again

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(photo from Boston.com)

Yesterday, there was baseball (in short: WHEEEEEEEEEE!). Yesterday marked the triumphant return of the Thighs of Freedom, which, if possible, look even better this year, the debut of the “C,” the first large scale chanting of YOOOUUUUK! and the first Red Sox win of the 2005 season.

It was not without drama because, well, this is the Red Sox. A drama-less game would be like a day without a ridiculous hairstyle for this team. But in the end, they got it done. Well done, boys. Still makin’ me proud.

There isn’t really that much to say, game wise. By the fourth inning I recognized, um, okay, I’ll be honest, no one. Except Abe Alvarez. Him I know. And him I like, I think. As Sam pointed out, he’s legally blind in one eye so wearing his hat like that in the C.C. Sabathia fashion is actually a way of making it easier for him to see. Now, don’t you all feel bad for making fun of him? I did. I hung my head in shame. But he’s everyone’s favorite newbie it seems and good for him. Good on ya, Abe.

J was sure to call and leave me a message wherein he yelled at Varitek for letting the first Minnesota run of the season score on a passed ball because apparently, J very much wants to see my head explode before Spring Training is over. But it was ruled a wild pitch by Clement and not a passed ball so neener. And then Cap’n Tek went and made up for it by hitting a sac fly in the bottom of the first to bring in Jay Payton so neener, neener! *sticks tongue out in J’s general direction*.

So yeah, baseball. Rem-Dawg and Don O. and Theo being smart-alecky. At least, this is what I heard. I was in a loud bar with other lovely, charming folks and the bars’ proprietors felt it appropriate to keep half the TVs on an endless loop of music videos (I seem to remember those. Wasn’t there once, like, an entire channel that showed those? Must be an urban legend.), so Clement was pitching to Usher and Payton was fielding to Beyonce. Sure. Okay. But in the end, there was baseball. There was beer. There were, evidently, quite spicy ten-cent Buffalo wings and the Sox pulled it out. One down, 80 bazillion to go. Baseball is back.


In other news:

Dear Bill,

Was it something we said? Something we did? Did we not celebrate enthusiastically enough? Did we not show you the love? Do you feel, *gasp* disrespected? Are you just sick of winning? What’s the deal?

We understood the Drew Bledsoe thing a few years ago and we backed you on that one. You were right. We even got behind the Lawyer Milloy thing because you proved your point. But, um, what’s the deal here? You do realize that the core of your defense had a flippin’ stroke and his future is nowhere near guaranteed, right? I mean, you know this? You at least saw it on the news? So, um, maybe, you know, if it’s not too much trouble, you can explain to us what your plan is. We don’t usually ask to see your cards ahead of time because you clearly know what you’re doing but, uh, the thing is, we’re getting a little nervous. It won’t be long before our heads start to explode en masse.

Law, Moreland, Phifer, Brown, Andruzzi and now Patten? Do you just miss seeing your name in the sports pages ‘cause baseball has started up again? Do you want a “Nation” too? You got it. Is that why you’re doing this? You want some attention? Fine, we’ll pay attention. But consider this a friendly warning, you touch Big Sey, Big Willie, either of the Teds, Mad-Rod, Corey or Adam and we’re going to have words. You may have a mutiny on your hands.

We know that you want to sign Tommy to an extension and that’s nice and all and I’m sure he appreciates it but we’re pretty sure that he has two more years on his current contract and, well, six million a year isn’t exactly chicken feed so, um, did he make you do this? We’re just curious, you see, as to why you would want to largely disassemble a three-time Super Bowl winning team. Seemed to be working okay. I suppose some people may have called you formulaic but, uh, we sort of liked it that way. We kind of dug the whole winning thing.

Okay, Bill, we’re going to trust you. We know you just reportedly signed Duane Starks to replace Ty Law and that’s all well and good. But Starks, though having Pro Bowl numbers, has also fought through a bunch of injuries. Call us crazy but that sounds an awful lot like, uh, Ty Law, actually. But if you say so. But seriously, you’re starting to scare us. Just so you know we will be expecting you to suit up yourself and intercept Peyton Manning your own damn self if this doesn’t work. Just so you know.

Keep us in the loop, maybe, and we promise to scream extra loud after the next win. We love you, Bill, but stop scaring us like this.


~Patriot Nation