"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I've Been Thinking

(Look how happy!)

Yeah, I've been thinking. You know, about stuff. No baseball or football gives me plenty of time to think. Which is really no good considering what I could get up to with this much free time on my hands. I've cooked a lot of crazy concoctions, read some stuff, watched a zillion episodes of "The West Wing" and made myself smarter in the process and done lots of laundry. But I'm running out of things to do. I'm about two days away from calling up the Brothers Papelbon and challenging them to a Trivial Pursuit game. (I'd totally win).

But I've been thinking about the sports in this town and I realized a few things.

First of all, what is taking so long with the Mike Lowell signing? I know the whole "free agent period" and "exclusive negotiating rights" and "wanting to test the waters" and all that jazz but I am not, by nature, a patient person. AND I WANT IT DONE NOW. Theo can give me all the lip service he wants about being patient and not rushing things and blah, blah, blah but the fact remains that the longer we wait on this, the more nervous I get. SO STOP MAKING ME NERVOUS.

Look what they did. They made me yell.

In relation to that, showing a complete inability to read a room, apparently A-Rod wants to play in Boston now? Does it not matter to him at all that we don't want him here? He thinks he can just decide where he wants to go and we'll all genuflect and toss rose petals in his path? Luna and I discussed this yesterday:

Luna: I hope Scott Boras makes the Dodgers and Angels timeshare A-Rod, 'cause that would be

Me: I want him out of the division and, really, out of the time zone. That'd be best.

Luna: Maybe he would like to start his own league, in which he plays every position.

Me: The A-Rod Rodriguezes of Alexville?

Luna: The logo would be so fucking awesome. It would be purple and shiny.

Me: Oh with sparkles, definitely sparkles.

Luna: Part of the uniform would be those sneakers with the red flashing lights that were so trendy among the eight-year-olds a few years ago.

Me: Oh yes, and his batting gloves would have no fingers. A la Michael Jackson.

Luna: Nice.

So yeah, that whole third basemen thing has got me cracked.

As for Schilling, like the lovely ladies at the Papel-Blog, I was actually surprised to find myself in favor of the re-signing. I realize that if all the incentives kick in, Curt's not really taking a pay cut, but the way I figure it, if the incentives DO kick in, then he's probably worth the money. (As much as anyone is worth $13 million). He seems happy, the front office seems happy, and our rotation looks good heading into next season. All good things. Of course, it remains to be seen what Beckett's going to do to Buchholz and Lester once he gets them onto his ranch surrounded by wild animals and back issues of Guns and Ammo magazines. But if they both end up taking the hill wearing Rambo headbands next season, I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Now, in the wonderful world of football, I would like to echo the sentiments of the good folks at Fire Joe Morgan who asked "Is there any more annoying and insufferable group of people in the world than the 1972 Dolphins?" No, I would venture. No, there is not. Also? Shut up, Don Shula.

And finally, I get that the Celtics are good this year. I get that they won by like a gajillion points last night. And don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled for their fans (I'm talking to you, Kerri). But personally, I really don't care. I'm stretched thin enough as it is with the Pats and Sox, not to mention keeping an eye on the Bruins. So, I mean, good for the Celtics. The basketball fans around here are lucky to have a great team again since it's surely been a while. But don't expect me to turn into a basketball fan all of a sudden. I might take a slight interest in highlights on Sportscenter or something, but I'm not going to start following them religiously. I stopped paying attention to the NBA when Larry Bird retired. And hey, I love that Boston appears to be the epicenter of the sports universe right now, but basketball is not my bag. But hey, if it's yours? More power to you.

No, really, why haven't we re-signed Mike Lowell yet?