"Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but heaven hath no sweetness like a sports fan vindicated." - Samcat

Monday, November 26, 2007

By a Hair

(Photo from Boston.com)

I'm tempted to say "all's well that ends well" but I know better. And I know that if there's one place I would not want to be, it's in the New England Partiots locker room after last night's game. As Amy put it, "They are going to be getting some humble motherfucking cobbler this week."

Bill's gonna be servin' it up, y'all.

As well he should. I'm also tempted to ask who the hell A.J. Feeley thinks he is but that would not be showing due respect to one's opponent and that would not be the Patriot way. And the Patriots have to know that there but for the grace of Asante Samuel, they're talking about 10-1 and how they let this one get away from them and they're watching the insufferable, smug 1972 Dolphins popping champagne corks down in Miami. We can postpone that celebration for another week at the very least but them boys have some work to do.

I do give a lot of credit to the Eagles, however, as they managed to do what no other team this season, including Indianapolis, has even come close to doing. For all intents and purposes, they shut down Randy Moss. Thankfully, the Patriots still have Wes Welker and, um, Jabar Gaffney, to, you know, catch things. Though the entire team could have benefited from a healthy application of Stick-Um last night, so frequent were the dropped passes. Or so it seemed.

Marianne, wisely choosing to watch the game somewhere other than with me, checked on me via email during the third quarter.

Marianne: Score?

Me: Still 24-21. But let me put it this way: apparently during practice, Billiam throws things at New Kicker while he is practicing his kicks. He should probably throw heavier things.

Marianne: Okay, honestly? I just got a mental image of Bill Belichick throwing a refrigerator at New Kicker.

Me: Now there's an idea...

I don't know what to say, football makes me violent. The Patriots now owe me about three years of my life and easily seven hours of sleep. And yes, I know they won and, as I said, all's well that ends well. But anyone who tells you that each successive game this season isn't magnified by about a thousand is lying to you. Yes, the Pats have clinched the division (before they played, actually, thanks to the Bills' loss), and yes, they're still the best team in the league, but this game certainly highlighted that there are many, many things for them to work on. In a sense, this was like the Colts game in that it's going to put a stop to that "running up the score" talk for a little while as people (again) realize why playing sixty minutes of football is important.

Of course, if the locker room fixtures remain unscathed, I suppose that can be considered a victory in and of itself. Did y'all see the look on Tom Brady's face last night? Did he not look like he wanted to kill someone with his teeth? Thankfully Asante Samuel and James Sanders and Wes Welker played damage control. Else I would not want to be a water cooler in that locker room.

And so now we exhale and remain confident in the knowledge that Billiam is going to spend the entire week kicking everyone's ass from here to Kingdom Come.

I'm going to, you know, curl up under my desk and try to get some shut eye or something. And maybe wonder if the entire team should grow mustache's like Wes Welker and Logan Mankins because there might be something to that mojo.

Oh, and I hesitate to really talk about it for fear of it gaining steam but Theo, so much as think about trading Jacoby and you will see riots in the streets the likes of which you've never experienced. I'm serious. That's not an empty threat. Kthnx.