Do Not Want
Dear Red Sox,
I don't like going to bed when you have a lead and waking up to find out that you've dropped the game AND an additional game in the division. I've got enough shit to worry about without babysitting your asses until the wee hours of the morning.
Fucking snap out of it.
It's almost football season and don't think for one, single, solitary second that I won't flip right on over to nonstop Pats coverage so I can see what Tom Brady ate for breakfast and whether or not Randy Moss got his braids done again.
(Sidebar: Can the Pats borrow El Montro? One can only hope.)
I know you think it's fun and good times when your centerfielder nearly gets run down by a moose on an ATV (well, "you" minus Jon Farrell who found it not funny in the slightest), but it's time to play baseball again, gentlemen. Like now.
So seriously, knock this shit off. For reals. I'm not messing around.